What If?
by HazelHPwiz
Summary: Song-Fic inspired by the song What If. Basically, Ziva's having doubts about everything she's ever thought and everyone she's ever cared about. Tiva!


**Hey everyone! First of all, thanks sooooo much for all of your reviews/alerts on my last stories/first stories *Its Too Late/If All Was Lost*! I'm sooo happy/grateful! :D**

**Back to business :), so as always, I've found myself totally inspired by Coldplay, and since I haven't quite figured out what I'm doing for my next story *probably a multi chapter one*, I decided to write this little Song-Fic/One-Shot Thingie! :D Oh yeah, by the way, the song is What If by Coldplay :)**

**Disclaimer: Even though it would be totally coolio schoolio of I owned Coldplay and NCIS… I don't :(**

_What if there was no lie_

_Nothing wrong, nothing right_

_What if there was no time_

_And no reason, or rhyme_

The lyrics of the song Ziva had heard on the radio this morning echoed through her head as she struggled through the day's load of paper work and cold cases. This just put her into a worse mood than she already was, considering that she found the lyrics extremely relatable.

It had all started when Ziva woke up this morning. Last night Ziva had gone to bed in a great mood, she'd went out to dinner with a super nice guy who she had met on her morning jog. After dinner, he'd driven her home and kissed her goodnight. Short and sweet, as her old director would put it.

The problem wasn't the dinner, though, or the guy for that matter, the problem was the kiss. It hadn't felt… Right. Sure, his breath didn't stink and he wasn't four feet taller than her so she'd have to crane her neck to reach him. The real problem was that he wasn't Tony.

Ziva's mouth dropped, not believing that she'd just admitted it to herself. Noticing Tony and McGee looking at her in concern, Ziva quickly shook her head and turned back to the cold case she was working on, her cheeks burning. Shaking her head again, Ziva tried to get the thought out of her mind, not wanting to believe it. Sure, Tony was a great guy, one who had saved her life on many occasions, one that always had her back, one who would never let her down, who she could always trust, with anything, knowing he'd never judge her…

"No, no, no, no." Ziva thought, scrunching her face as she tried to shake the thought out of her mind.

She could _not_ - what was the american saying? Have a smash on? - have a smash on Tony. Not possible. She would not let it happen. She couldn't let it happen! After all, what if she gave Tony a chance and he ended up using her like one of his one night stands? Ziva knew Tony wouldn't do that, he'd grown up a lot over the past six years, but she still had her fears that their relationship would not end well. On top of that, It seemed like every decent guy that Ziva dated either ended up not being the guy she thought he was, or ended up dead. She didn't want that to happen to Tony. She couldn't let it happen, it would probably kill her if she started dating him and her own bad luck caused him to get hurt.

_What if you should decide_

_That you don't want me there by your side_

_That you don't want me there in your life_

"Uh, Ziva? Are you okay?" McGee asked from across the room. Ziva was snapped out of her mulling to realize that she had been muttering under her breath and that both McGee and Tony were looking at her with concern in their eyes.

"Oh! Um… Yes McGee. Sticky Cold Case…" Ziva replied, flashing him the best smile that she could muster.

"Tricky." Tony murmured, as he dropped a stack of folders on the floor dramatically.

"What?" Ziva asked, her eyes wide.

"Tricky, Ziva. Not sticky."

"Oh." Ziva replied, picking up her pen before diving back into her pondering.

_What if I got it wrong_

_And no poem or song_

_Could put right what I got wrong_

_Or make you feel I belong_

No, Ziva could not have feelings for Tony. Absolutely not. Even if she did, what if he didn't want hr back? It would be just like Ziva to misread the signs and end up thinking Tony liked her, when he was actually just asking her if she wanted any coffee. If Ziva admitted liking Tony, but the feeling was not mutual, that would probably hurt her more than anything. Anyways, Tony had never shown any sign of liking her, he'd barely even talked to her in the past week.

Come to think of it, Tony had seemed increasingly distant for the past couple of weeks. He'd stopped looking at every single girl that passed him like he really wanted to hook up with them. On the contrary, he'd actually seemed to dissuade women from flirting with him. Ziva's stomach dropped as she finally realized what was going on. Tony must have finally found someone. And what killed Ziva, was that it wasn't her.

_What if you should decide_

_That you don't want me there by your side_

_That you don't want me there in your life_

Ziva refused to accept it. She did not like Tony. Nor was she jealous of his evasive girlfriend. And she did not wish that she was in this mystery girl's place. Trying to concentrate on the rest of her paperwork, Ziva scrunched her eyebrows as she tried to make sense of the case. The case was focusing on a Marine being murdered or something, but again, Ziva wasn't paying attention.

It was just that. Tony DiNozzo did not, nor had he ever, liked Ziva David. And Ziva should stop thinking that he had. Sure, he was no longer dating EJ… But he had still tried to get her to say yes to Ray when he proposed. And yes, the two agents had had a moment on the roof of that one building a month or so ago… But then Ziva discovered that Tony had kissed Wendy, so basically that moment meant nothing. Ziva had been almost positive that Tony liked her, though, just a few weeks ago, after all, he _had_ been glancing at her more than usual. But then he seemed to like that british model… And how on earth was Ziva supposed to compete with a model who did not have a set of rules preventing her from begin with Tony.

_Oooh ohh-ohh, that's right_

_Let's take a breath, jump over the side_

_Oohh ohh-ohh, that's right _

_How can you know it if you don't even try_

_Oohh ooh-ooh, that's right_

Maybe this really annoying song was right, and she couldn't know how Tony felt until she asked him.

"Zi, you coming?" Looking up, Ziva saw Tony standing over her with a worried expression on his face. It was already pitch black outside, and Ziva realized that she had done next to no work for the past six hours or so.

Nodding, Ziva grabbed her bag and tried to escape from the stack of papers as soon as she could, practically sprinting to the elevator. Once inside, she waited until a really wary Tony joined her and pushed the button to the ground floor. At least the elevator ride was only going to be around thirty seconds, then Ziva could drive home and drown her loneliness in a good book.

Suddenly, Tony reached around her and flipped the emergency switch, stopping the elevator completely. It looked like the book would have to wait.

_Every step that you take_

_Could be your biggest mistake_

_It could bend or it could break_

_That's the risk that you take_

Tony's eyes bore into Ziva's back as she shifted from one foot to the other, anxious to get out of this closed space as quickly as she could. Once it seemed like the silence was too much a bear, Tony finally spoke up, his deep voice sending shivers through Ziva's spine.

"Ziva? What's the matter? You've been acting weird all day? Are you okay? Does this have to do with Ray or someone? 'Cause you know that I'm here for you, we all are." Ziva was surprised, Tony sounded genially concerned for her well being. It was like old, jokester Tony had disappeared completely and been replaced with a guy who could really care for Ziva for the rest of her l-…

Nope, not thinking like that. Realizing that she'd taken too long to answer, Ziva gritted her teeth and glanced up at Tony's gorgeous green eyes. Shifting her vision back down, Ziva tried not to think about the concern and confusion that had been showing through her coworker's eyes.

"I am fine, Tony." Ziva replied, her voice flat.

_What if you should decide_

_That you don't want me in your life_

_That you don't want me by your side_

"No, your not." Tony replied, his voice equally as flat as hers. It was like he could read her emotions perfectly.

If only he could read her mind, then he'd find that not only had Ziva been having doubts about him… But she'd also been having major doubts about herself. What if she wasn't good enough for anyone, and she'd driven all of the people she'd ever loved to death or murdering? She didn't want anything bad to happen to Tony, which is why she decided to never let him into her heart.

_Ooh ooh-ohh, that's right_

_Let's take a breath, jump over the side_

_Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right_

_How can you know when you don't even try_

_Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right_

Ziva didn't want to know if Tony loved her or not. She was sure that if he didn't, she'd feel worse, but if he did… She'd feel guilty that she was going to make him into a monster, and she couldn't let that happen.

"Yes. I am." She replied, reaching over and flipping the emergency switch again. Once the elevator dinged, she marched out across the ground floor, through the parking lot, and into her car. She'd decided to never tell Tony how she felt, everything would stay the same and she'd never have to face him in that way. It had been bad enough when he'd told her that he couldn't live without her. She couldn't deal with being let down one more time, she just couldn't.

_Oh - Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right,_

_Let's take a breath, jump over the side._

_You know that darkness always turns into light._

_Ooh-ooh, that's right._

Glancing at the clock as she walked into her apartment, Ziva discovered that it was almost ten o'clock. Throwing her bag and coat on a chair, she walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch, pulling a blanket over her. Not even bothering to find a book, Ziva laid her head down on the arm of the couch and closed her eyes, deciding it would be equally as effective if she slept off her troubles…

_Thump, thump, thump!_ Ziva awoke to hear someone pounding at her door relentlessly. Groaning, she stood up and walked over to the door, swinging it open.

There, in the doorway, was most possibly the last person that she'd want to see. His eyes were burning as he walked past her and into the house, turning around when he was far enough away from the door so that she couldn't throw him out easily. Ziva walked over to him cautiously, ignoring his steaming gaze as the door swung shut behind her.

"Tony, what are you doing here?" She murmured, looking any where but at him.

"Ziva, what's wrong. We both know that you are not okay." Ziva looked up at him to see that his fiery expression had gone and was replaced with one of concern.

"Nothing, Tony."

"Stop lying to me, Zi. Why won't you just tell me?" He asked, throwing his hands in the air. "Is this about Ray? You don't need to worry about him, Ziva! I won't ever let anyone hurt you again! Why won't you just tell me what's going on? I'm here for you, trust me!"

"Why?" The words left Ziva's lips before she could realize what she was saying, blushing a bit, Ziva half wished that he wouldn't answer her as she looked down towards the ground.

"Because I love you." Ziva's head flashed up to see Tony staring down at her, his expression completely serious.

"I love you, too." Ziva responded, smiling at bit at the grin that took over Tony's face as he leaned down and kissed her slowly.

Suddenly, all of Ziva's dreads left her mind. All she could think about was how she felt now, like everything was going to be okay. And it was. She had finally met the one person who would cared more about her than anything else. Finally, everything made sense in her life, and she was never going to let that feeling go.

**Yay! Finished! It took me forever to finish the last paragraph… As always, I'm not positive about it. Please please please review! Byes :**


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